People Pleasers Guide to Saying No

There is an immense power in saying no more often and choosing to give time back to yourself!

We often feel bogged down by the endless cycle of to-do's, some of this is of course part of life, but there is another piece too. Choice.

From the time I was little I recall being eager to try new things and go to new places. I enjoyed adventure and had a pretty lackadaisical attitude. Lots of vacations with my friends and their families, a comfort and willingness to just go with the flow. This quality has led me to many adventures, friendships, travel and very fun times that I am incredibly grateful for.

However, at some point in time, being so open and available became more and more of a challenge. I remember often making double plans in high school and letting friends down. Then as I got older and additional responsibilities came into play, I realized that there is just not enough time to say yes to every activity, but I tried to find time for most!

With the internet our social communities have grown so large, and we are connected to more people, places and events than ever. I remember after becoming a new Mom all of the events started popping up left and right. This festival, that concert, this new place, it all started to become daunting.

Then COVID hit and it honestly helped with embracing the JOMO (joy of missing out). Being forced into making no plans which left space to prioritize events that were truly most important.

After coming back into the "new normal" and feeling burnt out from the pandemic and a lifetime of being a yes person, and a self-proclaimed people pleaser, I learned the power and beauty of just saying no. I thank my therapist for this of course, since I didn't identify this as a problem. I honestly thought this was one of my greatest attributes!

Well, we all know that we cannot pour from an empty cup and saying no to more external activities is inevitably yes to yourself. This is a great way to start refilling your cup.

If you happen to have FOMO or fall into the people pleasing category, I give you permission to say no more often and see if you can open up some time for yourself. You might be surprised with what you find!

Straightforward examples from Nedra Tawwab

• No, thank you.

• No, perhaps next time.

• No, that won't work for me.

Make sure you are putting "No" in the sentence.